Overwhelmed

Had a good, healthy cry to this today...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AX92z4Bny50

Not looking for sympathy, just looking towards an inspiration for me who recognizes her weaknesses.
Admitting defeat is so hard for me... Today I have been defeated, tomorrow I will defeat.

Social Worked Myself

One of the biggest topics in my social work classes is to identify the individual’s strengths, to remind them of all of their accomplishments, and identify their weaknesses, to determine places of improvement.
I mentioned before how I’ve realized how behind I am already getting in my school work, but today I realized I REALLY am behind. I’m so stressed that I have the worst stomach ache that’s making me nauseous. Everything is piling up and the due dates are ending up to be all clustered together. IT’S ONLY SEPTEMBER! I can’t even practice what I preach with identifying strengths and finding the positivity besides the fact that I would have completely forgotten to do/ turn in the homework, thus probably getting no grade for the assignment!
We are also taught about self-care so we don’t completely burn out. This is something I completely SUCK at. My professor says that we need to schedule in self-care time, but honestly, I can’t even imagine doing that. In my mind, that is time wasted when I could be doing school work, housework, or working! These are all important to me and when I happen to get free time, that’s when I take self-care, but I’m like in distress mode already…

I had an idea!

I had an idea…
There are tags of random facts about me going around various blogs and YouTube. It got me thinking what if there was a reverse random facts tag, the twist in the game being, THEY (the audience) name the facts about you. I know that at least in my blog, I talk to truth, but not obviously. This would be like a challenge for your audience, and you, the content creator, can see how well your audience pays attention to your content.
If there is anyone out there who cares to test out my reverse facts about me games, comment? I think that would be pretty cool to have other people recognize things about me based on my internet presence.

My love for cats

I love cats. They're so unpredictable, but predictable at the same time. They know when to love and when to back off. They're clean about using their own little "potty." They can be so entertaining. They're the cutest eaters I've ever seen. They have no worries or stress. They take life one day at a time. Best of all, they get to sleep ALL day. I am so envious of my cats' lives.

P.S. I am not a cat person over a dog person. I'm an animal lover. I think dog's characteristics are comparable to these as well. I just want all of the cats and dogs in my life, but I think that cats are so fascinating. 

This week's life lessons

1. Monday: professors can secretly read minds and know to cancel class because you forgot to do an assignment, but would remember Thursday night, and because you have more important stuff to do like activate your new iPhone 5.
2. Tuesday: Your car may need a lot of work done to it, but you made your grandmother happy by going to dinner with her.
3. Wednesday: This traffic absolutely sucks, but the newly paved part is like driving on heaven, and you've gotten the opportunity to drive through the countryside (despite the extra time) allowing you to taking in the beautiful view of the changing colors on the trees.
4. Thursday: Your car STILL needs a lot of work done, but you finally had the opportunity to talk with a resident of Transitional Housing for over an hour and are building good rapport with her.
5. Friday: It was an extremely busy day fitting in school, internship, and work all in 12 hours, constantly on the go, but you had a test pushed back one class, learned you need to ask for a DSM V for Christmas, learned not to make bets because they'll find a loophole and end up tricking you when you were tricking them, and you are to be owed a chocolate milkshake... eventually.
6. Most important note to remember, when all else fails, wine.
In all seriousness, I am a huge believer in karma and there being a reason to everything. It may just be a silly superstition I have (speaking of superstitions, I'm watching Hocus Pocus as I write!) because I always have moments where I stop and think, "oh, if that didn't have the outcome it did, this wouldn't have happened." For example, my senior year of high school, I thought I was having really bad luck with car accidents. I swear I am not a bad driver. I'm actually super cautious, definitely more cautious than my friends, and I was always the one with car troubles. I hit two deer, got hit in a parking lot, and lost control on a gravel road all within like a year. I wasn't under the influence and I wasn't distracted on my phone, I swore I was cursed. I was getting to the point where I was terrified to drive. Now, when I see other people being reckless drivers, I take it as a reminder to myself of that terrible time in my life and I always think how lucky I am that it was nothing worse than it that (everything turned out fine in the end. It actually worked in my favor, in a weird way my insurance paid off my car). Anyways, with all that said, I still reflect during those "ah-ha karma" moments and take it as a lesson.

THE BEGINNING OF THE END

Well the semester really is sinking in... I'm behind on e-mails and meetings. I'm currently writing my first paper of the semester and when I break out the John Williams soundtrack, you know I'm really trying to focus. I am half into this paper mentally and half just ready for bed because it's not something I chose to write about, it's not something I particularly care about (theories, yuck!), and to put it bluntly, it's not blogging. I love writing, and because I do, blogging is my outlet. For every boring paper I write, SO many blog topics come to mind that I would SO much rather be writing about.
If school work is the worst of my worries night now, I'd say I'm pretty much on track as a 21 year old college student and I'll be alright in the end. (send search and rescue if you don't hear from me in a week though..)

EVOLUTION OF PET NAMES

Just to be clear, by pet names I am talking about the actual names I have given my animals (i.e. rabbit, hamsters, fish) from childhood to high school. This topic was brought up by a group of people at work and we all found my name choices to be horrible, yet horribly funny.

At 5 years old, I got a bunny for my Kindergarten graduation. I was so excited to have the first animal to call my own so I carefully tried out various "rabbit" names before making a final decision. Original name choice, I believe, was Peter Cottontail from one of my childhood books. One day I had an epiphany while hearing my rabbit making all kind of ruckus and named him Hoppy, "because he hops around his cage all day." I was 5, I thought that was pretty good logic at the time.

Then, there was a trend going around 4th grade through out middle school to have a hamster. I ended up having three over the course of 5 years. The first hamsters name was princess (phase where I was trying to be girly...) then the most iconic name for a hamster, Hairy. Yes, hairy spelled specifically that way. Ironically, at the same time I was obsessed with Harry Potter at the same time. However, I thought I was being creative by naming and spelling his name "Hairy" because he has two tufts of hair coming off from his butt. The last hamsters name was Lola, and she had the longest life, but that name was just random... not a cool  story, bro.

Lastly, my prized neon blue tetra fish. I wanted a boy fish, so logically a blue fish is a boy fish (sorry for being undereducated on gender equality at that time in my life, I am now well aware, and would have altered that decision). He had the best name of them all. If I were to follow my trend of lame names, one would assume he to be named Mr. Fishy or scalez, but nooo creative little 14 year old Katie mind decided she really like the historical character, Otto Van Bismarck in Global class and would name this fish after him.

Someone please admit me for a psych eval. (not really I swear I am mentally stable!!!)

THE END!!

What did I even do today...?

Today has been one of those days where I have been so ridiculously busy where I don't think I could recall actually being productive. On top of that, I didn't get much sleep SO crazy Katie it was today. I ended up saying and doing just about anything that was on my mind and most of the time it didn't makes sense to the people around me. Anyone around me who didn't understand I'm sure thought I was on drugs. Here are some of the random thoughts that stuck with me today:

1. I found a joke, subject being cats, naturally I found it entertaining, but I was way more entertained that I probably should be because this joke is kind of lame...
Q: What do you call a pile of cats? A: a MEOWtain
omg I lost it... fun fact: a true pile or grouping of cats is called a clouder (thank you Big Bang Theory)

2. I was thinking about how a lot of people ask "how's you day?" ans I'm guilty of this too, but I always know the response before I even as the question. It is always something along the lines of or is "good." As I discuss these concerns aloud to my husband I decided a better answer would be to say "it was a Tuesday" (or fill in the blank of the correct day). I know, makes no sense, I'm sure I'm the only one laughing (what else is knew), but I always find humor in confusing people by responding with what they don't expect to questions like these that are commonplace.

3. I invented a game back when my cat was a kitten, which I named "playing cat." It's quite simple. You and your (or someone elses or a stray) stalk each other and when the cat gets close enough, jump out to scare them before they scare you ***WARNING: I have a super docile cat, I may not recommend this game with a cat that has the tendency to be mean...*** I haven't done this in a while (since he was a kitten, he's 2 now) and it was super fun and silly that my husband and I did. We ended up play wrestling, a friend we had over was so confused at what we were doing

All of this craziness and fun reminded me of a YouTuber (Marie bitsandclips) who has a little song she sings to her daughter every night saying all of the fun things they did that day. I tried to find it, but its not something easy to google, but I'll find it one day, I'm determined!!

Stop and Smell the Roses

With being so busy as to juggling three to five things in a 12 hour period, I feel as though I am loosing that, "stop and smell the roses attitude." There is construction on the main road of my daily morning commute. To be honest, it is really frustrating with the traffic and the extra time to get there. Me being hard-headed that I am, I refused to go a different route that I know takes more time. There was no rhyme or reason as to why I decided to take that way this morning, except maybe because I had a few extra minutes than normal... but I was so glad I did. My little guardian angel knew it would be just the thing to take me out of my Monday slump.

It is a beautiful country road that gloriously captures the beauty of fall. (INSERT BEAUTIFULLY TAKEN PICTURE HERE) I did take pictures on my way to college, unfortunately I didn't back up my old phone before transferring into my new phone today... *slaps back of hand and scolds self* Because of this view, I was so glad that I took the extra time, though. Instead of being frustrated at stand-still traffic and being late, I was gently reminded why I love fall. The colors and the smells are wonderful even at its ugliest. This is something you can't get with snow. There comes a point when snow is just ugly and depressing to look at, but RAIN sets the mood for cozy at all times (I don't even mind being drenched in it). I love the spectrum of colors and how they all blend together. Similarly to snowflakes and their different patterns, two leaves are almost never the same shades or reds, greens, oranges, When mixed all together, its beautiful.

Today wasn't nearly as bad as I had initially anticipated, and I can't help but wonder if it had anything to do with the change in perspective?

MY MOST CURRENT READ

I am no where near creative or unique. I am constantly saying, "I'm a follower not a leader." Like many bloggers before me, I have a passion for books. Reading is my escape from the world around me. I will read just about any book, it just depends on where my own interest has been sparked. It is not too often that I take recommendations from people, but ask for them anyways. My most recent read is not all that entertaining to most people. To start, it is a true story. Some people really enjoy reading about other people's accomplishments and achievements and would say to me, "Oh, I'd probably like that book," Here's the catch... it is a true story about domestic violence. There are many people who immediately hear domestic violence and cringe before you can get another word in. Which is fine! To each their own! As if that wasn't a horrifying simple synopsis enough, it gets worse... its a true story about domestic violence where you know from the beginning the women in the relationship is dead as a result of her relationship. What makes this a truly emotional story is that it is her mother telling the story and there are snippets of the abuser's diary with various quotes along the lines of "I could do it, the time is right, I will kill Jean." Yeah, this is a favorite read of mine... I find it more fascinating than horrifying, maybe because I am going into the social work profession and I take stories like these as informational and educational... Anyways, this is my most current read and obsession. "Conversations with Jean" is a really good book, but I would caution you that there is not a happy ending.

IF I STAY REVIEW

My mom decided to call me up and go to a spontaneous movie, my choice. Unless it's on Netflix or some other (legal) internet form, I probably don't know it exists. I went to out local theatre website and watched all of the trailers for movies they offer and I narrowed it down to two movies: "If I Stay" and "This Is Where I Leave You" one sad and one funny. I would have rather the funny movie, with all of the sadness of the funeral earlier this week, but per my step-dad's request we, "got the chick-flick out of the way" so he wasn't sucked into watching it later.
Going into the movie, all I knew was that she dies and has an out-of-body experience. For all I knew she could have played jokes on her family as a ghost or something funny along those lines. Unfortunately, the movie did not pan out that way, but it would have been a funny take on it (parody movie in the making?).
The movie is a flashback type movie, starting with the most current part of the main character, Mia's life. The whole family either has a snowday or plays hooky from work to have a family day, to which they decide to take a drive, but the car slips on ice landing the whole family in the hospital and putting Mia in her alternative perspective. To be honest, I didn't even catch on the first few flashbacks... I was a tad confused. Once I figured it out and began piecing together the whole story, I was hooked and completely engaged. I found myself internally fighting for the relationship between Mia and Adam to grow into long term because they seemed like they balanced each others personalities well. SIDENOTE: I felt like I could relate to the character Mia. She was shy, reserved, enjoyed keeping to herself, and wasn't afraid to do what she loved despite that others thought she was weird or different for these characteristics.
At thehttps://feather2oakes.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post-new.php end of the film, I felt like the flashbacks of Mia and Adam's relationship in contrast to the relationship displayed between unconscious Mia and Adam was going to lead up to something huge once she decided to wake up or not. The film seemed to work towards this build up and then just ended it abruptly as soon and Mia opened her eyes, which leads me to be confused. I don't know if she actually lived or died.
It was a good film that got me easily hooked, but I feel like I missed some information, and now I want to read the book to hopefully get a better understanding. Right now I would rate this movie a 3/5 until I can understand it better (I'm just nerdy and need to research something before I become fully committed), but I would totally recommend this for a girls night out. It is definitely a good crying movie!!

STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS

The brain is a weird place... especially my brain. Some days even I want to stay out of the random thoughts that pass. Sometime I have to scold myself just for thinking them. Thank god being shy comes in handy in this sense... at least I don't get myself in actual trouble with these thoughts. Usually these thoughts are a result of exhaustion because I just get silly and slowly the weird thoughts emerge. On the opposite end of the spectrum, when I'm tired, there is not a single thought to be had beside, "I'M SO TIRED, I WANT TO GO TO BED. I'M SO TIRED, I WANT TO GO TO BED. I'M SO TIRED I WANT TO GO TO BED." (side note: this is always said in a British accent in my head). When my mind is occupied with the repetition of these thoughts i find it so hard to be creative. Unless I have fallen asleep (which happens more than I'd like to admit to) I have challenged myself  to write, just write about something, anything that has had an impact on my day. Well as stated prior, my mind has been too consumed with sleepy thoughts to think be filled with anything worth while. So, here I am, writing a stream of consciousness (another term coined by someone else - Grace Helbig, thanks). This is probably the lamest post to come to mind, but at least I am writing something down, getting my brain going. Honestly, it dissappoints me to see someone apologize for not writing due to writers block. You should be writing for yourself, and if you're doing that, it shouldn't matter what kind of crap comes out. This is utter crap, but hey, now it's on the internet for anyone to read. Anyways, I should probably contain some of the thinking abilities for the homework that has to be done, oh the life of a college senior!

On Death and Dying

Shout out to Elisabeth Kubler Ross and the many college lectures on death and dying.

When the occasion arises (which happens to be three in the last three months and counting...) all I think about are the five stages to death and dying: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

Because of these numerous lectures, I can pick out when I am feeling which stage of death and dying. Although I act as the rock and try to be there for my family, I am human and eventually feel all of the feels (mostly silently and privately). Of the recent funerals, I have never felt the bargaining aspect, not to say it will come later in life. At first notice I was definitely feeling denial. They were traveling down to Florida when it happened (didn't even make it home) and I am used to not seeing them until next summer. Later that day, after work I felt a short bout of depression because I felt really alone. My husband went fishing to grieve and I was left to sit at home alone it was really depressing. Up until the viewing, I went through a lot of unexplainable anger, which I know puts my husband through hell. It bothers me even more when I know that I'm hurting the ones I love when I deal with grief in this way, which in turn makes me even more angry. I had taken up playing Condemned, a horror-zombie-killing video game to take my mind away from reality (I finished the game in three days). Once at the viewing, seeing the body, another spell of depression along with acceptance hit me. Seeing the real, tangible truth made me loose all of my shit. At the end of the depressing three hour viewing, anger hit me like a brick wall again, to which I played more Condemned. Funeral day was an uncontrollable mix of emotions - anger, happy, sadness, relief, happy, sad, happy, and finally a mix of sadness and relief. Getting home after this surreal day I felt very solemn. I couldn't physically go about my regular activities. I laid in bed feeling lifeless. I eventually fell asleep, and that took me away for a bit, but waking up I desperately wanted to hide away in my safe haven of a bookstore. I wanted to surround myself with something that would know me better than my husband does, if it were real, that being words and books. Unfortunately, we don't have a bookstore close enough by us, so I opted to stand in the teeny tiny wal-mart book/ magazine aisle and flip through the colorful pages of comfort food magazines while waiting for take-out comfort food. Here I sit in my dark bedroom, blogging my feelings of the past 5 days away (honestly it feels like its been 2 weeks) and I've tried writing this down before, but it's so hard yet so easy at the same time (that makes no sense).

Basically, I filter between anger and depression, thanks Elisabeth Kubler Ross!

POSITIVITY AND GRATUITY

I love being inspired by other bloggers. Although I do not want to be accused of “copying” an idea, I would like to “borrow” sprinkleofglitter’s post on gratitude (borrowing is different because I thanked her for the post in a comment – that counts in my book!). I’ve made previous posts on positivity because I truly think that it leads to a healthier lifestyle. Everyone can have a Debby Downer day, but to really live that way 24/7 seems awfully depressing. On those day that you’re feeling a bit down, giving yourself a little pity party, I challenge you to list at least three positive influences or things you are grateful for. My three are:

1.       My husband, it sound typical because you are meant to love your husband and he should be a solid support system, and I do love him for that, but he is also exceptional because he can read me so well. He knows my moods and what I need whether that be space or cuddles he is there for me.

2.       My house, I feel so grateful to have such a nice, cozy, safe place to come home to at the end of the day. Not everyone has a place they can call home, and I feel lucky that I do especially at the age of 21 I am independent enough to not have my parents house as home base.

3.       I am incredibl grateful that I have (recently) given up on what other people think of me and I feel comfortable being who I am doing the things that I enjoy. Along with that I am grateful to have those resources – my computer, internet, video games, and the passion to go forth with my hobbies.

Honestly, I feel so much stronger and more inspired to do whatever comes to mind. I feel like I could conquer the world! Or maybe that’s just all of the coffee I’ve had… J

Thanks Louis

CONDEMNED REVIEW

Since having a weekend day off is so rare for me, and most of the day just so happened to comprise of xbox playing. Today's game marathon was Condemned, a horror video game full of jump scares and zombies, per usual. Since I've been playing the game all day, I've formed opinions and voiced them out loud (good an bad) well here they are...

1. I hate how unrealistic is can be when it comes to opening doors with certain tools. Like it will ask for the crowbar when the fire axe I already have in my hand would work just fine if not better.

2. The tazer takes way too long to reload when there is like a zombie mob coming to whack you to death and then eat your brains out.

3. You can only jump, crouch, open doors, etc. when prompted.

4. I like the choice of melee weapons and that they have different statistics (I think that is like a given though).

5. Health is available at good intervals through out the game.

6. The story is really good. Basically you're a detective trying to follow the path of "serial killer x" and you use tools to collect data to get closer to the killer.

Overall it is a really fun game, good story and a good mix between scary and fun. Once I finish this game I am looking forward to Condemned 2. I've heard it's scarier. Lastly, I would suggest this game to anyone who enjoys scary movies.

MENTAL JOURNEY

I decided to take my mind away on a little vacation and travel back in time to my high school years. Normally, I would never want to go back to high school. I was the most awkward (probably still am) person EVER! I was incredibly involved with every music group possible in high school, and surrounded myself around other “band geeks” like myself. Within the four years I have graduated high school, I have yet to return to the home showing of the marching band. On this mental journey to get away from everyday life, I realized even though I still do have a passion for marching band, and various forms for orchestral music, I have grown so much since high school. 1) There are very few band members that I know anymore 2) I get really annoyed by teenager antics 3) I am really happy with the ‘me’ I have recently discovered.

IMPORTANCE OF POSITIVITY

Positivity is an important component to me and something I think about often. With two bits of bad news recently reveled in my life, the concept of positivity yet again is in my thoughts.

In the situation of death, I always act as the rock for my family. I feel it is important to be there when a person needs to talk through their thoughts and feelings. I don't think there is anything wrong with crying together, it shows support and non-judgement. I also believe in bringing the person back to a happier time. So, talk through the pain, but then move to happy memories. This is why I think that funerals focus on celebrating that person's life and their accomplishments. Negative comments on a sore subject during an already sensitive emotional state does not make the person feel better. It is like putting salt on an open wound, and nobody wants that. However, introducing positivity, especially during a sensitive emotional state, lightens the situation, and even a small smile or laugh is medicine for feeling better.

NEVER FORGET

There are few words to be said on this13th anniversary besides NEVER FORGET.











































 P.S. thanks Brandon

OH THE PLACES YOU'LL GO...WITH RESEARCH

School has made me into a complete research nerd. On my own time and will I find myself researching topics. My most recent topic of interest began this summer when I finally got around to watching the "Blackfish" documentary. Post watching that film on netflix, I had a typical reaction to the film's message (full rant posted to my tumblr). Basically, I left bad for my eight year old self who wanted nothing more than to go to Sea World and see the whale show, which I did end up seeing in my childhood. Looking back to then I felt so naive, as a typical eight year old is, but more so of the fact that I convinced my parents to spend money on a company who is having and have had so many issues. "Blackfish" talked about several factors that led to Dawn Brancheau's death. These issues being, animal captivity causing aggression, and ill knowledge on orcas.

Recently in the news I saw that Sea World San Diego is putting millions of dollars into revamping their orca exhibit, adding several gallons of water, deeper tank, an exercise jet, and including a new way to interact with the orcas - there will be a shore that people can walk up to and interact with the animals. Along with the exhibit, Sea World is investing money into orca research and conservation. Which I personally think is great, this was everything that I was thinking would help the animals at Sea World. However, my natural research instinct kicked in and I was wondering why all of a sudden this exhibit will premier in 2015. Sea World claims that it is not because of all the attention Blackfish drew on Sea World, but I looked deeper into their website seaworldcares.com. The website purely talks in response to Blackfish to defend themselves, and with one piece saying one thing about the situation and another source saying the opposite it gets confusing who is actually right.

I am so interested on this topic of animal rights activism because professionally I would really like to advocate for those in society who do not have a voice. Although I am not on the PETA side of animal activism, I am not on the opposite side of the spectrum of a non believer. As usual, I take the middle ground view on animal rights and still do not fully believe the rebuttal Sea World has on Blackfish. I am glad to see the renovations that will be taken place, but any sort of captivity is not good.

Full Circle

Anxiety before,
Relief after,
Right time,
Right place,
Makes the experience worth the while.

Beginning to end,
reoccurring events.
Throughout the day,
over and over.

All in all,
it’s a learning event.
We come full circle in the end.

A Sleepy Post

This message brought to you by lots of sleepy medicine...

Well, it's the beginning of the third week of my senior year and the first round of sickness is already going around. I know it's because of how ridiculously busy we all are. I know my days are 10-12 plus hour day sometimes including; class, internship, and work all in the same day. I'm sure my classmate have similar schedules, if not worse.

Does anyone else get sick, evaluate how sick they are, evaluate where they can cut down on activities to wallow in their illness, but the realize each activity is equally important and therefore fight through everything that needs done while looking, feeling, being miserable? Please I need some reassurance I'm not the only one because, I do. The majority of my classes are one day a week, which would make me miss out on an equivalent of a whole weeks worth of notes if it were a two or three day class. I am required to log 250 hours in one semester at my internship, which i think I worked out to between 18-20 hours a week. Work is money and I can't afford to sacrifice money.

Here I lie with all of the necessary comforts of a sick person; first and foremost medicine, water, tea, a peanut butter sandwich my kind of comfort food, Gilmore Girls in the DVD player for the feels, YouTube, tumblr (and other blogs/ social media) for stalking, and my fluffy purple blanket.

Life Hacks

I feel like I am in that new mom mind set with my dog in the sense that I am constantly learning little life hacks from friends and pinterest on how to clean up her messes. My one year old min pin is incredibly nosey and gets into EVERYTHING. So far she is banned from the room that the cat's litter boxes are in because she eats the poop - YUCK! She is also banned from the bathroom because she gets into the trash bin and drags trash and laundry all through the house - YUCK!

This time she found a blue pen to chew on... By Friday of last week, I was so exhausted that I took a little nap on the house. She likes to either get under the blanket and nap with me or bring a chew toy on the couch and lay with me. Either way she's totally a mama's girl and it's adorable. This occasion was not so cute. Like I said, she found a clue pen while I was sleeping and decided to toy on it. I woke up looking like a smurf. The pen had exploded all up my legs and my arms. However, I am washable. The tan couch is NOT necessarily washable. Oh I was furious at her thinking, "Oh great, now we have to replace this two year old couch!"

The next day, I was so relieved when my neighbor came over for a short chat, who I vented the whole scenario to out of anger. She just asked. "well did you put hairspray on it?" I had never heard of this before. Hairspray on the couch?? Turns out it stops the stain from setting in. So my husband and I are double teaming this hideous stain with hair spray and fabric cleaner. I really wish I took a picture for a before and after shot because it really is miraculous how much that combination took out. The worst part of the stain is still there, but is between the cushion, and  I can live with it. This is definitely something I will remember when I have naughty children who find sometime interesting to make a mess with!

Afternoon on the town

I come from a small town that is too often quick to judge that, "there's nothing to do." I know I am guilty of this, but I also tend to be antisocial and won't leave the house even to explore the nearby community unless I have reason to.

Today just so happened to be an adventurous day when my friend came over to see my apartment. After visiting and enjoying each others company,  we decided to walk my dog along the streets of the extremely small town I live in. Fortunately enough, we wandered out way into new territory that neither of us would imagine to go.

There is an even smaller community within the town dedicated to mediums and those of the like. We both have background knowledge regarding the religion/ lifestyle. She, who has seen documentaries and read historical books, and I, also learned from reading as well as a past college course. We were rather excited to have the opportunity to visit, briefly.

We walked in and made a loop around the perimeter just to get a good look around out of curiosity and because everything was closed. The housing architecture was just as interesting too look at as it would have been to have an actual medium reading. They are all old fashioned buildings that have been restored and there was tons of foliage around every corner.

From our brief, unplanned visit, it was very nice to be able to see and experience. On a side note (not saying it made the visit good or bad) I had an eerie feeling while walking through, not saying that I believe in spirits either, maybe because things were all closed up on a early Saturday evening, and the community was very quite.

Nonetheless, we all enjoyed the walk and it was nice to find something (free) nearby that was enjoyable and consumed sometime. I think next time we're both free, we should actually plan a trip there when there is more activity as well!

Once upon a time...

Once upon a time, there was Little Bug from the Bug family. Little Bug was awoken by Mama Bug to begin his small journey to school. Groggy Little Bug trudged off to school, unaware he left all his school work sitting right by the front door of their tree stump abode. He got to the school, sat through morning meetings, and then it hit! He was so unprepared for the day to come in more ways than he thought...
After the realization he left his school supplies at home, he ran as fast as his short, little bug legs can handle to home and back to make it just in time for his class to turn in an assignment. Little Bug walks up to Dr. Bug at the end to turn in the assignment  that he was SO worried about to find out it wasn't a turn in assignment after all! Little Bug walked out so angry with himself because he tried so hard to finish the assignment last night to turn it in on time, forgot his school bag by the door, and then rushed sacrificing being late in order to get the assignment in order to turn it in on time only to find out all of that work was useless...
After a not so pleasant morning, Little Bug walks back home (AGAIN) in preparation for his up coming nut ball game. Little Bug bursts through the door filled with negative thoughts he wanted to purge on his mother. Unfortunately to find out, Baby Bug is in the middle of a tantrum and Mama Bug was in need of giving all of her attention to the baby. After Little Bug's bad day, he slumped to his bedroom to change for his nut ball game and continued onto the game in a foul mood.
Instead of going to the game, Little Bug decides that Mama is too busy to care or remember about his game and decided to "run away from home" and hang out by the creek to clear his mind from such a frustrating day. As the sun began to set, Little Bug decides he should head home for dinner as Mama is probably scared, but in the back of his mind, Little Bug is thinking "good, serves her right to worry."
Just as he suspected, Mama Bug was so thankful to see that Little Bug is home, but was absolutely worried sick when she went to his nut ball game and didn't see him nor could find him. Little Bug explain how neglected he was feeling and just wanted time to be alone. Although Mama was not okay with Little's decisions today, she was relieved to see he was home safe, and to show him her love, they spent a mommy and son evening, making up for all hard feelings Little Bug felt today.
THE END!

The Power of Positivity

I believe that positivity is the greatest medicine. On the days that I feel at my utter lowest lows, I still try to find some light in the dark because in reality there will always be someone in a worse situation than I am.

I have been privileged today at internship number two to read testimonies of past residents. Some of their stories seem as though they are absolutely fairy tales, the violence and hate doesn't seem fathomable, but they were all eerily true.

One thing I noticed, which made me smile, was the positive spin each individual added at the end of their story after they described the end to the violence and hate from family. They noted how they were able to overcome the worst of their life's obstacles and have found themselves a happy place where they finally stay positive about what they can accomplish in their futures.
Reading through these letters gave me chills, but made me extremely thankful and grateful for what I do have. I will continue on with my positive thoughts, now with these stories in the back of my mind as a remind that there is always someone in more need that I am.

Feeling Blessed

Today seemed like back to school round three. First my nephew's started school, then my classes started, but today the public schools had their first day, which meant the first REAL day to my internship.
After graduating from this high school and going back to being associated with the high school, but not actually in the high school is so odd on my end. I felt like I was having an out of body experience for a few reasons. First, I'm on the teacher side instead of the student side. I led a few games, but as far as taking charge, nope, that didn't happen, I'm still in that observation phase, but still felt weird. Second, I was hearing familiar names and typical first day of school questions, and I tried to give a little bit of my input, but students looked at me like I have three heads. Apparently you're supposed to forget everything about the high school the day of graduation. Third, I not realize how naive I really am, on multiple levels. In high school, as a student, I never thought about what teen mothers did, how they were over coming their challenges. I heard about classmates getting pregnant, but it never occurred to me these girls will do anything to finish their high school education.
It is amazing how much I have learned in the past three years of college as well as how much I think I have grown up. It is even more amazing how much I am learning just from the week and a half I have spent at this internship. I feel blessed to have been guided toward this field of work and hope to make a difference in one of these girl's lives because I have so much respect for what they have accomplished so far, and I know they have great potential for their futures and their child's future.

It's the little things...

Tuesday evening is my little family time with my mom, step-dad, and grandmother. They take her out for dinner (and I join when I'm free) every Tuesday. It makes me so happy when I see her face light up. She always greets me with a big hug and always asks "how's my girl?!" Over dinner, we chat about whatever is going on in her life, good or bad, and my life. I mainly tell her about what I do at my internship and about my college classes, but she always responds with, "that's nice." It's adorable, but her way of telling me she is listening. After dinner, sometimes we stop by the grocery store to help her with her groceries, and, finally, take her home, where we chat a little bit more, and say our "till next times" because I am busy, but always make the effort when I am available. This evening, she surprised my my mom and I with our favorite chocolates Oh Henrys, which I didn't know about until she gave them to me, but their like a snickers , but better I think. It's the little things like this that make me the happiest, and makes me so thankful to have her in my life. These are the memories that I will remember for years to comes.

What I do to get ready for the week ahead

Weekdays are crazy between my husband and myself. He works third shift (6pm-3am) and I have activities going on anywhere between 8am and 10pm. Basically, Monday through Friday we are just ships passing in the night, and to sit down together and have a proper dinner just isn't realistic. With that, I try to prepare 3-4 meals on the weekend that will keep good in the fridge/ freezer throughout the week.
On this lovely labor day, I planned, shopped for and prepared four meals plus a dessert that will easily reheat and still be delicious.

With the help of Gizmo, we got this done in about 4 hours:
While I worked, he slept the four hours away.
First step: planning  what you're going to make.
1. I had just eaten. They say not to shop on an empty stomach because you end up buying the entire store, but it is also quite difficult deciding what you're in the mood to make when on an empty stomach.
2. My dinner choices usually are made because of a.) what's in my fridge/ pantry and b.) if the recipes I'm looking at contain similar ingredients.
Step Two: Buying the groceries
1. This go around my groceries were only $30 dollars. I'm extremely frugal and this is why I am so careful about meal planning
2. (side notes) The walmart was SO BUSY. Maybe because small businesses would be closed? (that's why I was there). Too many people for my liking.
Step Three: Cooking
1. I made a classic meatloaf with a twist. My husband and I are the same as children when  it comes to eating vegetables. If it is by choice, we'll go for french fries instead. I know that sounds horrible and I hate to admit it, so i take the mom approach to hiding veggies in meals so we can't taste it! I just made the meatloaf as normal and added pureed carrots and celery (the recipe called for diced).

2. I made a bolognese sauce next, again packing it with carrots, celery, onion, and diced tomatoes in the meat and tomato sauce. This made a lot, in this case I split the contents into two containers  -one for this week and one for freezing.

3. Freezing extras of a meal is so nice for later. Last week or so i made stuffed green peppers, but the filling made too much for just a few green peppers we realistically would eat. I froze the filling then and took it out to make a green pepper casserole. I was pre-prepared and all I had to buy were green peppers for chopping. I kind of made this up and used the filling as the base of the casserole and then layered diced green peppers, frozen corn, and mozzarella cheese.

4. Last, but not least, I made a broccoli and shrimp Alfredo, with homemade Alfredo consisting of butter, cream, milk, and Parmesan. For this I will boil noodles as needed because I personally don't think they keep well in the fridge (same for the bolognese sauce).

Step Four: Dessert!
I don't mind cooking. My mom got me involved in the kitchen from a really young age, but for whatever reason, I would rather bake. Taste testing is more fun, and my husband LOVES when he comes home from work with the smell of cookies left over from that night and fresh cookies as a snack. This time I decided to make oatmeal cookies with chocolate chips and peanut butter. YUM!

This will definitely hold us over till next weekend! As far as other preparations, I just try to do all homework (I am aware of) that is due so I don't have a reason to stay up toooo late because I love my sleep way too much. Also, I try to give the apartment a good clean so on the nights that I do get home after 10 and have had a 12+ hour day, all I have to do is pick up, do a few dishes, and go to bed!